We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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