I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I can tuck mytits in my pants
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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