Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Did you pee in the oven last night??
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
