Your dad touched me again.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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