I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
