I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
