Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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