My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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