8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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