so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
