I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
