As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
