If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
