They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Hippo gnu deer
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize