Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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