sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
