I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
