They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Randomize
