I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
