Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Randomize
