Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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