If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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