would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
it glows. i had to have it.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
