Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
