He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I wish there were birth control emojis
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
