there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
