bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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