my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
