Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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