I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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