Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
