i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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