It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I take back everything I said about communal showers
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
