So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
