I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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