I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
