This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
