I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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