Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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