70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
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