So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
