dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
