the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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