literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
