I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
