Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Randomize
