i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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