fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
