I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
