Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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