she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
