i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
