There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
