dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
